* Click on Image to enlarge
** Ingwe Fan apologizes to all those with religious sensibilities.
1]
THEN the twenty years of plenty came to an end, and twenty years
of famine set in. 2] The land was barren and nothing flourished, and no glory came upon
the Ingwelites. 3] And the Ingwelites saw the glory of their neighbours in the West,
the K’Ogalost Ones, and they saw the wealth of the Sofapakans in the south, who
were mainly Congolites from the house of Kalekwa. 4]
Then the Ingwelites suffered bitterly, and grievously did they
pity themselves. 5] And the people came unto the Lawd, wailing and rending their blue
and white garments, which were made by Legea. 6] And
the Lawd said, “Why are you come before me, crying and wailing? Wherefore do you
rend your garments that are made in China?” 7] And
the people cried, “Behold, O Lawd, we suffer bitterly, like Munronites. 8]
For Thou hast brought wealth upon the Sofapakans and almost glory
to the K’Ogalost Ones up the road; but in Thy anger Thou hast forsaken us
Ingwelites, what were once blessed in Thy sight and that.” 9]
But the Lawd replied, “How is it that I have forsaken you, when I
have poured such bounty upon your heads?” 10] But
the people looked about them and saw no riches, nor the shining trophies of
battle. And they protested unto the Lawd, “Where is this bounty then, O Lawd,
of which thou speakest?” 11] And the Lawd replied, “Yea, the bounty
of the Lawd is as the rain, that is drained into the sounds of the desert. For
it is all gone like the likes of Harry the Gentle.” 12]
But the people wept, and they no longer had faith I the Lawd, and
banished Him from their sight. 13] And
the Lawd went from that place, and three new Lawds came from far away in the
West. 14] And the new Lawds said They would lead the people to salvation. 15]
Then the people bent over them, and were overjoyed, and they
raised their voices in praise, saying, “We’re proper sorted, no la. We’re gonna
win the league.” 16] Now it had come to pass in this time that they greatly exalted the
prophet Magelo, who was their leader. 17] For
under his rule they fought a battle of many clubs, and in the lads of Bayusuf,
they strove against the Congoweans. 18] And
lo, though they were almost destroyed, they fought back and vanquished the
enemy, thanks to Imbem. 19] Then the Ingwelites made an idol
of Magelo, and cried out that he was the savior, and by his mighty sword they
would come forth in the land. 20] But
in the end they came thirteenth. 21] When
they saw the might of the Ingwelites was nigh restored all the clubs trembled. 22]
But the King of the K’Ogalost Ones did not tremble: he was crafty,
and in his wisdom he sent madness upon Magelo. 23]
Then Magelo became a man who dreams, speaking in tongues and
visions. 24] And he squandered the opportunity given to him to govern by
resigning. 25] And then a Prophet called Ochiel emerged and took over amidst
confusion. The people rejoiced. 26] And
he squandered the wealth of the people on lame and useless
servants. For he brought to their camp Masika Omar, Onyango Daniel and JMJ the Belgianite. 27] And soon Ochiel feared to venture firth, lest he be vanguished,
but exhorted his servants only to defend the camp. 28]
Then all the Ingwelites came to loathe Ochiel, because he was so
boring. 29] So the people came before the Lawds and said, “Why don’t Ye giz some
backers for Ochiel, who had fired Makokha, so that he may bring further glory
to the people?” 30] And the Lawds replied, “Behold, we have given him millions and
millions of Sugar Mummies Shillings. But in his madness, he spent it on Muyoti
and Tostao the one they call Emmanuel. And lo, he squandered it on Kasaya. Now
the bounty of the Lawds is gone, for he hath spunked it on absolute garbage.” 31]
But the people were not satisfied, and they wrote screeds of righteous
indignation on the Facebook Branch, and kept calling him Gbagbo the Pirate! 32]
So the Lawds called elections, and up sprang Kituyi with the
return of Magelo whose outstretched arm could be seen on a rebel website. 33]
But the people were in mourning for some of the servants who had
been chased away; they loved them greatly and pitied them. And they did pity
also themselves. 34] They also loved Magelo for not belonging to their tribe. They were
blind to his madness, seeing only his triumph against the Congoweans years
before. 35] And Ochiel held firm after the spate of mad elections that were
always disrupted. 36] And the people went berserk, and threatened to come into the House
of the Lawds and do them harm. 37] And
it came to pass that They were skint, and soon the Sugar Mummies drove Them
from the temple. 38] And so yet another Lawd came among the Ingwelites. 39]
Then the people rejoiced, and cried, “Right, this time we are pure
sorted, la. We’re gonna win the league.” 40] And
there was laughter across the land.
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